10 things that happen to you if you are a Pakistani bride

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Getting married in Pakistan is a big deal. Not just because of how significant the institution of marriage is but because we take our wedding events WAYYY too seriously. People save up their whole lives to give their children an extravagant wedding! Almost everyone in our society goes overboard with weddings in their own capacity. The funny bit is, the star of this entire ordeal is the Dulhan. The groom bechara doesn’t even get half the attention the bride does. If you are a girl that is already married or going to be married soon OR planning on getting married in Pakistan ever, allow us to take you on a trip to what it’s going to be like.

1. The crazy never ending trips to the Darzi!

Your master saab is your new best friend. He is also probably the only one keeping up with all your craziness as you obsess over every tiny detail of your wedding clothes. From the taanka to the piko, Desi brides get SO invested in their shadi clothes, as if it is the last time they ever get to dress-up. But we kinda get it, because when you literally have all eyes on you, you can’t be casual about it.

2. You are on a diet.

Even the skinniest girls are on a diet before their wedding. You will hear words like KETO diet, Protein diet, fruit diet and so on. Every bride wants to look nothing but the best at her wedding and so they follow their diet plans religiously. Funnily enough, all the effort you make goes to waste right after the wedding as soon as the post-wedding dinners start!

3. An exotic skin care routine!

Facemasks, scrubs, face massagers, you name it and a bride-to-be needs it. You treat your skin like a baby right now and probably put more healthy food on your face and hair than you do in your tummy! Seriously.

4. Occasional meltdowns.

The planning and the emotional distress can take a toll on you and you will occasionally have a meltdown. You have been trying to keep calm as you go about trying to get everything done perfectly but even the slightest inconvenience can trigger you to let loose of all the emotions you were holding in.

There is a lot of crying and complaining and stressing and once you’ve let it all out – you’re back in the game.

5. The emotional blackmail.

This is the best part! No really, it is. You get to have everything done your way, from your chota bhai to bari api, you have everyone on their toes. As soon as you experience a brief moment of feeling like you are not getting your due attention, just throw in a “but its my lasttttttt month here!” and you’re good. You’re welcome, ladies.

6. Forced special treatment

This is a strategy best used with the one mentioned above. You make sure everyone treats you like a princess. From Ammi making only what you like to eat to Abu agreeing to everything you have to say, you make sure nobody forgets you are THE Dulhan.

7. Unsolicited advice

Everyone you meet has something to say to you, even people you barely know. Especially the ones that are married already. Some give you creepy smiles and let you figure things out on your own while others will give overwhelming relationship advice, reminding you of the virtue of sacrifice and patience (lowkey giving you anxiety). They think they are helping you but you are now even more confused than you were initially.

8. The inappropriate pre-shadi humor

Ahh the good old wedding night jokes! It’s all fun and light hearted when it is your friends and cousins teasing you but it gets out of hand when it’s the aunties that try to be funny with you! No please. Just, don’t. You really don’t want to know what Uncle Mahmood said to Aunty Shahida on their wedding night! Major cringe

9. The Bridezilla mode

The number of days left for your wedding are inversely proportional to the intensity of your bridezilla mode. As the wedding nears, you throw tantrums over the smallest things until that one person has to hold you down and knock some sense into you, which brings you back to your senses – for 25 minutes. Anddd bridezilla mode is now back on!

10. Nervous Excitement

The pre wedding blues are a bittersweet feeling. You’re excited about starting a new phase of life but you’re also nervous. You’re happy about getting married to that someone special but you’re also sad about leaving your family behind. You feel way too many things at the same time.

When everyone has some sort of advice for you, how can the entertainment couch hold back? We suggest you just relax and try to enjoy as much as you can. You will get that jora right and your skin is going to be okay. Sleep well and enjoy being a bride while it lasts!

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